Fat is not a feminist issue

My ducks are absolutely not in a row. I don’t even know where some of them are …. And I’m pretty sure one of them is a pigeon.*

I’ve been having a bit of brain fog. Last week I deleted all of my posts on Substack, didn’t wash my hair for seven days, and showed up a day early for my writing group. And I’ve been eating up a storm since Halloween. Sugar does significant damage to my psyche as well as my body. I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve gained 10 pounds since the sugar-crusted holiday called Thanksgiving, but I actually got on the scales yesterday and it’s closer to five pounds. Still. None of my pants fit.

Did you know that Americans spend $50 billion a year on weight-loss programs and products? That’s just a guesstimate on anyone’s part.

I’m sure I’ve contributed at least $75k of that so far in my lifetime. Really. I actually added it up lest you think I’m joking. Although since I’m a journalist my math skills leave something to be desired. I have a book titled “Math Skills For Journalists.” I know I’m not the only one. I’m sure it’s in the ballpark though.

I believe that I have been to every weight-loss program at least once to any and all that have existed since 1964. I use 1964 as my base year because that would put me at 10 years old when I started trying to lose weight. I remember telling my mother that I was fat and her reply was always … “You’re not fat. You’re just solid.” She was only 4-feet 11-inches and not a bit over 110 pounds—even after seven kids.

I gained 90 pounds with my first pregnancy. And I didn’t lose it before I got pregnant with my second (and last) child. So although I only gained about 30 pounds with the second pregnancy, when you start at 200 lbs. … it’s just not going to be a good outcome.

The first time I lost weight was with the Dr. Stillman Quick Weight Loss Diet. I ate hot dogs by the handful … chicken and burgers, steak and eggs and to my surprise, I lost weight! But the minute I added carbs back to my diet I started to gain it all back.

Then I found the You-Name-It-Weight-Loss-Center-of-The-Day … and lost again. We weighed in once a week. After the weigh-in I went from the scales to McDonald’s for a quarter pounder with cheese …. with fries, and made it through until the next week on the memory of that splurge.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve joined Weight Watchers … I should have gotten the shoulda, coulda, woulda award. Those Weight Watchers love to give out awards.

I’ve had many meals with Jenny -- you know -- CRAIG;

I’ve fasted with and without diet pills; been through the LA Weight Loss Tour and put good money after bad for most any program you can name.

I even tried the one where you inject pregnant female hormones to trick your body into I’m not sure what. I never did understand how that was supposed to work. I gained 10 pounds on that diet.

I believe I’ve read every diet book ever published including the caveman diet, get rid of carbs diet, get rid of everything but soup diet and even two titled “Fat Is a Feminist Issue,” and “Fat and Furious.” Feminist or mysoganist fat is just as hard to lose as happy and contented fat. Fat is fat is fat.

I’ve even read several books you may not have heard of (as I invented them) like:

“Get Rid of the Fathead, Get Rid of the Fat”

and

“Eat Right For Someone Else’s Blood Type—The Co-Dependent Diet.”

OK, I just made those last two up.

My point … and I mostly have one … is there is no easy, simple answer for losing weight.

Finally, several years ag I decided to go under the proverbial knife. I was in a vicious circle of fat, no energy, more fat, less energy, more fat … on the couch, more fat …. You get the idea.

I had weight loss surgery several years ago, and now I only have one third of my stomach left. And I lost about 60 pounds very quickly. It fell off like butter. Funny I’d use a food analogy right?

I finally learned why I overate. Food tastes good, so I ate lots of it. Now I can’t eat lots and I’m better off for it. I hope. I still have to watch what I eat and be accountable, which will always be hard for me.

Like in the many weeks since Halloween when I have not gotten offf the sugar wagon. AGAIN.

There’s only one thing to do at this point. Start the fasting until noon trick which should put me back to my fighting weight by Christmas. I’m getting back on the Intermittent Fasting – don’t start eating until noon – diet. Wish me luck  

Oh, and I have a lot of books to sell. Contact me if you’re in the market for a diet book. I can either loan you one or talk you out of it. Maybe you’re co-dependent?

*Stolen from Facebook.